#41

So, I recently started reading a few blogs
Some Whine With Cheese (thanks Kitty)which lead me to Welcome To The Clusterf*ck
And in a blog or two I read how these two friends felt about each other and the first thing i thought of was my treybob....


That's how our relationship was...I knew more about him than anyone else did...except maybe Phil..and never judged him. and he knew me just as well...and never judged..he was the platonic love of my life.
to those of you who are reading and don't know the story, let me give the short version..

Trey and I met in church when we were 12ish...At first we had a love/hate relationship...Mostly b/c i was very opinonated and closed-minded, and b/c he was very timid and very open-minded, and also a confused, gay, teenage boy who went to a southern baptist church...(of course at the time no one knew he was gay...well almost no one)

Over the years, I realized I couldn't force my beliefs and opinons on others...i could share them, and I could debate them, but i couldn't get angry when people didn't agree with me...And then I realized that who am I to judge anyone for what they believe or do, and I started to become more open-minded...so Mr. Treybob and I started to hang out outside of church and then it was like everyday or every other day we hung out...

Well jump to about 8 years into the future( putting us at the age of 21-22) and trey "comes out" to me...Another year passes and he starts dating Phil..

Things happen and they break up..Phil had beaten trey a few times....they get back together and things go really downhill.....
Trey non-intentionally kills Phil one night....
I still never judged...not my place
Trey is now in prison...
He has been there for 7 years...
I am now married with three kids...
I haven't written trey in over a year...
I feel really guilty about that...
But another part of me says why should I???
I miss us..
I miss how he got me like no one else did..
I miss all of our inside jokes...
i miss our late night AOL IM's to each other( oh yeah the dial up kind)
I miss staying up until 4am hanging out, listening to DMB..
I miss our spontanious trips to wherever we wanted to go that day..
But it's his fault while we will never have that relationship again...
And I am upset that he has only seen boo (my 4 year old) two times..
and has never seen lima bean(my 7 week old) and frankly i don't even know if he knows that I had another child
I love him and i do miss him so..
but i dunno
should I write him or just let him go???