University of Phoenix

Well, I have started my journey. I am on the 3rd day of student orientation, and my class is on the 2nd day. I am a whole day ahead! YAY! now if i can do that with the actual classes, i'll be good to go! Oh yeah I am going to school for psychology. Oh yeah. something i have always been interested in. I am very excited. Wish me luck

Dream

I still dream of you from time to time.
Doesn't mean I'm still in love with you.
Doesn't mean I'm not happy with my life.
Doesn't mean I regret choosing him over you.
Doesn't mean I miss you.
Doesn't mean I think "What might have been".
It just means sometimes you creep into my dreams.

A new start??? I wish

I need to go to school. I want to go to school. But here's the problem..
I have three kids to take care of.
Ok so i could go to school during the day while they are in school...
Nope, can't do that b/c I have a 1 year old....
Put him in Daycare....
Nope, can't do that b/c daycare cost 300.00 a week! a FLIPPING week!
Get a job to pay for daycare....
I could DO that, but then when am I going to go to school???

UGH! I am so disappointed right now.
My Life has been on hold since Jay joined the Army and I for one am tired of it.
I NEED a LIFE outside if this house ALSO.
And I don't think he gets that.

I can do online but I won't be able to do the classes while Josh is crying for 2 hours STRAIGHT like he has done the past TWO days b/c he is fighting sleep.


I HAVE to figure out a game plan.
I am slowly DROWNING

Loving Wings-DMB-Trey's song to me....Well one of them

My heart was made of broken bones
My Soul's a bag of stick and stone
And out along this dusty road
You have come my love to take me home

I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)


You lightly lifted me away
Out of a darkness, cold and gray
And I work beneath the midday sun
My cool blue water you have come

I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)

So take your place here next to me
And I'll take my place there next to thee
And no matter how far we may roam
Its by your side I make my home

I give to you my everything
You've given me these loving wings
And angels have all gathered round
to hear me sing my love out loud (oh...)

#41

So, I recently started reading a few blogs
Some Whine With Cheese (thanks Kitty)which lead me to Welcome To The Clusterf*ck
And in a blog or two I read how these two friends felt about each other and the first thing i thought of was my treybob....


That's how our relationship was...I knew more about him than anyone else did...except maybe Phil..and never judged him. and he knew me just as well...and never judged..he was the platonic love of my life.
to those of you who are reading and don't know the story, let me give the short version..

Trey and I met in church when we were 12ish...At first we had a love/hate relationship...Mostly b/c i was very opinonated and closed-minded, and b/c he was very timid and very open-minded, and also a confused, gay, teenage boy who went to a southern baptist church...(of course at the time no one knew he was gay...well almost no one)

Over the years, I realized I couldn't force my beliefs and opinons on others...i could share them, and I could debate them, but i couldn't get angry when people didn't agree with me...And then I realized that who am I to judge anyone for what they believe or do, and I started to become more open-minded...so Mr. Treybob and I started to hang out outside of church and then it was like everyday or every other day we hung out...

Well jump to about 8 years into the future( putting us at the age of 21-22) and trey "comes out" to me...Another year passes and he starts dating Phil..

Things happen and they break up..Phil had beaten trey a few times....they get back together and things go really downhill.....
Trey non-intentionally kills Phil one night....
I still never judged...not my place
Trey is now in prison...
He has been there for 7 years...
I am now married with three kids...
I haven't written trey in over a year...
I feel really guilty about that...
But another part of me says why should I???
I miss us..
I miss how he got me like no one else did..
I miss all of our inside jokes...
i miss our late night AOL IM's to each other( oh yeah the dial up kind)
I miss staying up until 4am hanging out, listening to DMB..
I miss our spontanious trips to wherever we wanted to go that day..
But it's his fault while we will never have that relationship again...
And I am upset that he has only seen boo (my 4 year old) two times..
and has never seen lima bean(my 7 week old) and frankly i don't even know if he knows that I had another child
I love him and i do miss him so..
but i dunno
should I write him or just let him go???

The Last Stop

pics of boo's first t-ball practice....

So Damn Lucky!

My momma is my best friend...but shhh! don't tell her that :)